life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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