she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
