I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
