He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
