"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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