you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
