I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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