my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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