Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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