I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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