I am puke
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
