jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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