we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize