hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
