the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
