Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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