She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm passing your future prison.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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