Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
