You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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