Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
