I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i need some magic done to my vagina
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
