if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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