I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
