I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
