You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
