So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
