the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
