1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
this boner is exhausting
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
