I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
