Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
