I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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