During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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