that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There r osticjed everywhere
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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