Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
