no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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