She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
