I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
