If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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