dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize