He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
