3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize