My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
