I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
