I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
