It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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