So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
