Will you blow on my dice?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
