peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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