Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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