12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
