Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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