so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
