I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
