420 ftw
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
