I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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