plz talk dirty to me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
