We're facebook friends in real life
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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