I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
