I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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