dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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