All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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